Unglued

An old poem of mine. thought if I was't writing new stuff, I'd atleast post some of my old scribbles.

Born in one piece
To be shattered amiss
Again and again
The abuse repeats
One single tube
Of icky stuff
Persistence limited
Till the last sticky glob
Endurance unshaken
To last the night
Bed wet again
Eyes red shot throughout
A well trodden path
A last promise still fresh
But again and again
The path seduces
Back on the track
To be trodden upon again
All that knowledge
All that was learnt
Forgotten in a wink
An inviting smile
A familiar discomfort
Building up warmth
A shorter span than before
Back on the street
Dazed at the result
Unwilling to accept
Shattered again
For the nth time
Pieces now so small
It will take time
There’s still some glue left
Though the tube’s growing thin
This time it will hold
No more straying bold
Another pretty face
Another angelic smile
Back in the queue
Waiting familiar fate
Another fling shorter than last
Broken at the end
Even worse than the last
Shattered again now
Broken several times over
Pieces now too small
But managed to gather
Reached for the tube
The one with the glue
Never realized before
But now know it’s true
A limit is inevitable
The end has been reached
No further lay roads
Only barren fields
Took for granted
This heart for too long
Now in shambles
No more glue to fasten

Silly-Con Valley of India

This is Bang bang bang Bangalore?

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am forced to cancel my confirmed ticket on Brindavan express. So what do I do? Pick an alternative. It’s Thursday afternoon. And it’s the 14th of August. No hopes of a bus or train ticket falling into my lap, so I choose the expensive way out. A flight ticket to Chennai. Expensive, but worth it. All I need to do now is get myself to the airport. Easy. That’s what I think, but that’s when it starts to pour cats and dogs. No, actually it’s pouring elephants and hyenas.

The cab that was due to pick me up at 8.00 pm is far behind schedule. So I take matters into my own hands (or legs to be more appropriate) and brave the rains. It’s taken me a trek of 2.6 kms in a torrent to realize that I’ve made a mistake. This is Bangalore. Rickshaws don’t do your bidding, they do YOU.

Finally by 8.50 pm. I’ve managed to coax a cab to take me to the airport. By now the city is chaotic. The unforgiving rain (thank you god), and the unyielding gutters have decided to sink the city. I am soaked, I stink, and I am just an hour and half away from the flight that will deliver me from this trench.

The cab guy assures me that I will make it. Energized by his enthusiatic mumble, I give in. I stop glancing at my watch, I literally give up praying. I am convinced I will make it. I get there 2 minutes too late. Thanks to a suddenly duty conscious police department that decides to stall my cab for a routine check that costs me 10 minutes. And the drug buster at the check-in entrance who's whacky intrument insists i am carrying coke. After letting him go through all the contents in my bag, he let's me go. I rush to the check-in counter only to be told the flight is already set for take off, so no chance of me getting on. They are courteous enough to offer me a seat in the next flight. I succumb.

Now remember, this is Devanahalli, a place that’s 2 hours away (in decent traffic conditions) from where I stay. I’ve missed my 10.25 pm flight by 2 minutes and the next flight is at 9.50 am. I decide to go home. But wait. I am told I can’t leave the airport unless I fly out (what kind of a rule is that?). I spend the next 13 hours in the airport trying my best not to doze off. The only help I have is coffee. Courtesy Café Coffee Day. Oh! I almost forgot. The rain has laid my cell phone to rest. It got drenched and conked by the time I got into the cab, so by now I have absolutely no means of communication to the outside world. Like everyone else Iam completely dependent on my cell phone. I don't write down numbers anywhere. I don't even have my house number memorised. So what do i do? I manage to find an old gentleman, kind enough to let me insert my sim in his instrument for a few minutes. Thanks to him i retreived my home number from a message sent earlier. Now I can use the phone booths and inform home of the calamity that has struck. I spot 2 red PCO phones. But the trouble is they need to be fed 1 Rupee coins to work. I am shocked, in the age of web 2.0, the International airport has no means of communication other than a coin fed public phone? I mean, come on, who the hell carries 1 Rupee coins anymore? Anyways I try my luck with the Café for coins and thankfully they had a few. A very few mind you because their prices are all multiples of five. Armed with 5 coins, I make my way to the phone and make the call home. I have to rush through the details of my forced change in travel plans because the machine's gobbling a coin every 10 seconds. Well, atleast I am a bit relieved after the call. I settle into a chair and survey my surroundings. My home for the next 13 hours. I can't believe I am waiting 13 hours for a flight that lasts 40 minutes. I silently laugh at the irony of it.

So here I am, trapped in a glass enclosure with Arabs, Americans and I don’t know who else. No food, no entertainment, no escape. I am feeling a bit like Tom Hanks, but no Catherine Zeta Jones around though.

I am not the only one that’s being tortured by an undeniably ill functioning Bangalore city. I speak for all in my shoes. This city has gone to the dogs. What was the need to move the airport so far away from the city? Why do rains always leave the city in havoc? Why aren’t auto rickshaws being regulated by the transport department?

The Ever Growing Post Of My Favorite & Spontaneous Quotes III

Hello folks...here's the third installment of the My Favorite & Spontaneous Quotes. Hope you like it. Cheers.

“A troubled mind has more reasons to think than a gleeful one.” – Bubbasamuel

“Africa was what we inherited from God, America is what we did to it.” – Bubbasamuel

“Remember, the lips that are kissing your ass are hiding teeth behind them.” – Bubbasamuel

“If you thought trying to remember someone was a toughie, give forgetting a shot.” – Bubbasamuel

“If I could, I’d be the first person to put a boot up my own ass. I am so dumb, so juvenile to have pushed away the only person who loved me. And for what? For being sane.” - Bubbasamuel

“Unlike salamanders we can’t grow back what we lose, we just learn to live without it that’s all.” – Bubbasamuel

"Sometimes a crisis situation makes your mind feel like the grey fuzzy no reception display on television." – Bubbasamuel

"You want to put an end to terrorism? Start by shooting down the bastards who burn up buses and break shop windows at the drop of a hat." – Bubbasamuel

“Most of us go on with our dull lives because we're too brave to give up, too chicken to commit suicide and too broke to hire a hit man to do the job for us.” – Bubbasamuel

“Tear my heart out, slow roast me over a fire, pull off my eyebrows strand by strand, push pins though my fingernails….do anything to me, anything but a monday.” - Bubbasamuel

The Ever Growing Post Of My Favorite & Spontaneous Quotes II

Hello... I am Back. And as promised, the post of favourite and spontaneous quotes is growing. Here is the second part. Hope you all like it.

“Happiness is like cotton candy, you always think you’ve a lot of it but it’s gone even before you’ve properly tasted it.” – Bubbasamuel

“People have completely eliminated the heart from the equation of love, now they just love with their minds.” – Bubbasamuel

“According to the old testament, the married man shall live by the rule - YES DEAR, NO DEAR, and according to the new testament, he shall live by the rule - YES DEAR, ABSOLUTELY DEAR.” – Bubbasamuel

“Common sense is for people who lack imagination.” – Bubbasamuel

“Knowing is nothing, showing is everything.” – Bubbasamuel

“Let’s talk about something nice, she said, and I asked, like what? Mint chocolates and pink ponies? Peppermint breath and brownies? Cotton candy and fruit slush? Popsicles and jelly mush?” – Bubbasamuel

“Don’t you love me anymore? Don’t I look beautiful to you anymore? Will you like me just as much if I become fat after marriage? The human mind is so fickle, it needs constant reassurance.” – Bubbasamuel

“If you can’t beat em, buy em out.” – Bubbasamuel

“Madness knows no manners.” – Bubbasamuel

“Every human wishes life was a big circle, childhood to teenage to manhood to old age to childhood again, but unfortunately it’s a straight line with a very definite start and an uncertain end.” - Bubbasamuel

The Ever Growing Post Of My Favorite & Spontaneous Quotes

Hi all...been a damn long time since I posted anything. Been too busy and too uninspired. Actually I am still uninspired but then I thought I have to post something to get the habit started again. So here it is...a post that's going to keep growing...a post of my favorite quotes (obviously mine) and one or two quotes from friends that i simply loved. If you find them interesting, I'd be glad and would even urge you to use them as you please....provided you quote me..i.e., add my name at the end of the quote. And if you find them tasteless and utterly disgusting, you are free to lock me up in a dark secluded dungeon and throw away the keys.

P.S. I must add that these quotes are the spontaneous results from conversations with friends. They may not be appropriate for the moment. But who knows, you might find them appropriate in times to come. Also, you are free to post me quotes of your own with your names, if i find them amusing, i'll add them to this list. Cheers :)

“I struggled all the way to the top using up every ounce of my strength, only to discover I had climbed a shit mound!” - Bubbasamuel

“There is no such thing as defense. There is only counter offense.” - Bubbasamuel

“We all suffer from a painful incurable disease...it's called 'memory'.” - Bubbasamuel"

There's no better reason to be miserable than the reason of love" - Bubbasamuel

"If you say 'shit happens' I am just gonna have to say 'guess you're not toilet trained huh' :)" - Bubbasamuel

"Sing your heart out Lassy...sing to the dark clouds...maybe they will cheer up and let the sun peek through" - Bubbasamuel

"I am bubba san because I differ, if I joined the crowd I'll just be sans bubba" - Bubbasamuel

"If you cant do it with a 'click', it must be one of those things they call impossible to do" - Bubbasamuel

"A single word, typed free of errors and timed right is worth a million emoticons anyday" - Bubbasamuel

"You spend half of your life waiting to feel bored and then the later half waiting to feel busy" - Felicia

“If anyone asks me what I do, I’d say - I police ads for crimes committed by misplaced letters and mis-spelt words, I enforce the law of grammar and see that writers adhere to it, I am a Creative Supervisor” - Bubbasamuel

"There is always a way out for the quick witted" - Bubbasamuel

"Dead men don't count" - Bubbasamuel

Of Brews & Board Games

Until yesterday, I’d forgotten how much fun it is to play board games. It’s been years since I played one. I used to love them when I was a kid. I had my own scrabble set, Scotland yard, monopoly and lots of other board games, until I discovered video games and the internet. Then my mother, noticing my disinterest in board games, passed them on to my growing cousins. Actually, her intention in giving those games away was rather selfish that philanthropic. She wanted to make more shelf space available for her doll collection.

Anyway, like I said, I’d forgotten how much fun those games were. Especially on rainy days, when you’re stuck indoors, those board games were a means to kill extra long hours of inactivity and boredom. Yesterday a friend of mine took me to BrewHaHa. Brewhaha is…how do I say it? Well, the way its co-owners Sreeram and Mansur (both products of IIM Ahmedabad) put it is “a community-driven entertainment lounge where there's always something to do. Whether it's one of our 65 specially imported board games designed at group audiences, our fun events or hobby classes, we assure you there's no way you're going to be bored in Koramangala any more. Unless of course you're not at BrewHaHa!” Yup, there’s no way you’ll ever get bored at BrewHaHa, as I discovered.

I am not going into details on BrewHaHa, because what I really mean to relate in this post is the experience I had there. So if you’re looking for intricate details on menu, games and stuff like that, go to the above link. Also you may visit this link – My Coffee Shop Dreams by my friend and fellow blogger – Dhivya. Although, I suggest that going there with a bunch of friends is a better way to discover what brews there.

Ok, so this friend took me to BrewHaHa at Koramangala. The first thing that struck me was that the place had a warmer welcoming ambiance. Not like one of those flashy, loud cafés or their clones which make me feel like I am being gawked at. Not like places that serve your bill before serving what you ordered. Those places make me feel really alien. I felt instantly comfy at BrewHaHa. My friend immediately pounced at the menu and started ordering, while I looked around a little more. The colours were earthy, the lighting was warm and the furniture was inviting (Bean bags, cushy carpets, fluffy pillows…you get the idea). Next was a shocker, a guy with a french beard came up and shook my hand and introduced himself to me (very cordially) as Sreeram, I was thinking ‘Sweet…how many guys do that? That’s going to be a real winner with the customers’. Sreeram, who my friend knew pretty well, chatted up with us for a while and offered to teach and to play a board game with us after we had feasted. So, like he promised, he came over to our table again after a while with a friend of his and we started playing a board game. The game was a real riot, Sreeram actually cheated on my suggesting it and we had a great laugh at my poor friend who became the Bakra. The objective of the game (I don’t remember the name) was not to win but to make sure your opponents don’t win. I can’t remember when I’d last laughed that hard. My eyes were watering and my tummy hurt. After a while it started raining like hell, so being stranded, we started playing another game. This one was called ‘Coda’. It’s a game that’s pretty much like poker, but instead of cards there are white and black plastic blocks with numbers on them. Wow…I must say this was a damn gripping game. I didn’t know how time passed by during the 3 rounds we played.

In short, my experience at BrewHaHa was fabulous. Next time my friends want to meet up at a café or some place like that. I am definitely suggesting BrewHaHa. It’s not expensive, it serves delicious food and beverages, it’s got great board games and the atmosphere is perfect for a gathering of friends. Oh…and most importantly, you can’t walk out of BrewHaHa without making, at least a couple, new friends. I made two…Sreeram and Vinu. What more do you need? The baseline under BrewHaHa’s logo says ‘We take your fun seriously’, and I believe they mean it. So next time you and your buddies want to have some serious fun…head to BrewHaHa.

Thunder Trails - Masinagudi

I am not much of a biker, though I own one of the most muscular 2 wheel beasts available in India – The Royal Enfield Thunderbird. I have in fact done a few thousand kilometers of riding in the past. It’s a real pleasure to ride out to the outskirts. When you’re cruising on long, smooth stretches of tarmac, laid back in the amply spacious saddle of a Thunderbird, it’s a pleasure to listen to the whizzing wind and the precisely timed rhythmic thumping of the brute’s 350cc engine. They collide in a passionate entanglement and create soul stirring music.

My most recent ride was from Bangalore to Masinagudi with a bunch of road crazy rubber burners from the Ad fraternity. There were six of us in total and 3 bikes. 2 Thunderbirds and 1 all time favourite Yamaha RX100. We decided to start out early and swore to meet up at town hall at 6.00 am for kick off. But, as is in most cases, we had a black goat in our midst who partied away the night before and landed up at the kick off point 3 hours late. So, in actuality, we hit the road to Masinagudi at 9.00 am on Saturday morning.

The road leading to Mysore is very well laid. Though, at the starting point we had a lot of problems with traffic. Being a weekend every motorist in the city seemed to be heading out. You can imagine how our frustration would have heightened and how much we would have cursed the black goat for delaying our departure. Anyway, by the time we got on to Mysore road, all traffic had cleared out and the only thing between us and Masinagudi was a long stretch of smooth 6 lane highway. The road is absolutely well laid and is a pleasure for biking. The only problems on this heavenly stretch were cabbies. They drive like maniacs, breaking every road rule.

We made a lot of pit-stops on the way and hence our journey was longer than estimated. Nevertheless, we were in it for the pleasure of the ride and enjoyed it thoroughly. Our first halt was Café Coffee Day on Mysore road were we had a leisurely brunch. Next stop was for beer and refreshments on a roadside dabha before hitting Gundalpet. From thereon we only made minor stops to empty our bladders and to smoke. From Gundalpet we entered the Bandipur wildlife sanctuary. This part of the ride I thouroughly enjoyed. The road leading to Bandipur was the worst stretch we had to deal with. There are more potholes than road. But once you reach Bandipur the roads become tamer. The highlight of riding through Bandipur is that you are actually riding through pristine forest. To the right and left of the road you will see thick forest. I was lucky to come upon wild elephants while riding through. I also caught fleeting glimpses of deer and monkeys. The ride through Bandipur took us to Mudhumallai.

Mudhumallai falls into Tamil Nadu limits, hence we had actually done a cross border ride. The ride through Mudhumalai brought us face to face with more tourists. The place was brimming with people. It looked like the forest housed more people than animals. We stopped here for supplies (read booze), then proceeded on to our camping site.

We stayed in tents in a small, well maintained resort called Jungle hut – one of the oldest and most well maintained resorts in Masinagudi. It’s owned by the Mathias family. Jungle Hut is set up on a small clearing in the forest at the foothills of the Nilgiris. The place even has a nice little swimming pool to cool off in during the daytime. The food is absolutely delicious. For more details on Jungle Hut click the link.

We arrived at Jungle Hut at about 5.20 pm, exhausted and famished. We quickly ransacked what was left of the yummy lunch buffet and headed off to check the tents. Once in the tents we unpacked our gear and headed off to wade in the pool. The water was too inviting for us to avoid. As the day grew darker, we settled around one of the tents for a yakaroo session and a couple of drinks. It was loads of fun sitting there in a clearing in the forest just talking and drinking. We occasionally spotted a few wild hare’s bobbing around from bush to bush. It was quite a mesmerizing experience. Beneath our feet there was wild grass and above us a clear star studded night. I even spotted a shooting star. After joking and lazing about there for a while we headed to the bar and then eventually to the buffet hall. Dinner was even more scrumptious than our late lunch. Done with dinner we headed back to out tents, sat around for a while and then headed off to our designated tents to kill the remaining hours of the night.

One little incident that happened before we settled down put some of us in the group at unrest. While we had been at the tents, talking and drinking, we had noticed this security guy come around the camp every 15 minutes, whipping the darkness with his bright torch beam. Out of curiosity we approached him and enquired about his strange ritual. To which he answered “Nothing to fear sir, it’s just a routine watch that we keep. Animals don’t come through the fence, except once in a while a few black bears do cross over to feast on leftovers.” That was very reassuring to hear.

The night was pleasantly cool. We slept like babies. But we couldn’t stretch our slumber hours beyond 8.00 am the next morning. Reluctantly each of us crawled out of our tents which by now had become little boiling pots. We came crawling out like ants running out of a flooding anthill. After we’d done our toilet routines we headed to the pool to chill off a little. A brief beer session and breakfast followed.

It was time to leave this Shangri-La and head back to the concrete jungle. We made better time on the road on our return. The ride through Bandipur fascinated me again. On the whole, the ride back was quite pleasant and leisurely. We stopped outside Mysore at a place called ‘Fishland’ for late lunch. The food was mouthwatering. We devoured some ‘Neer Dosas’, ‘Crab Fry’ and ‘Prawn Curry’. After that it was an almost not stop ride to Bangalore. We reached around 10.30 pm and headed our own ways.

It was an awesome experience for me, riding into the jungle with fellow biking enthusiasts, experiencing the thrills of the road and coming face to face with the wild. Masinagudi is a wonderful weekend getaway about 240Kms from Bangalore. I’d love to do the trip again. But this time around I’d like to do a road trip till Bandipur and then a trek from there to Ooty, which I heard is an awesome experience. I hope at least this time we’ll have a couple of women in the group.

For more pictures click link.

Under Ki Baat 2

Some time back I had posted a blog about how careless and tasteless people are when it comes to their undergarments. In case you haven’t read it yet, here’s a quick link Under Ki Baat. I’d like to show you a comment I got on that blog.

Manish said...
bang on...i handle an under garment client ... any thots on how we can make the men and women more conscious about their under ke brands:-)

I had no answer to his question then. I had just gone out and raised an issue to which I had no solution at all. But recently I came across an ad on TV that set me thinking. It was bold, it was quite wild, the brand wasn’t a very popular one but after the Ad I am pretty sure it’s being talked about by a lot of people. In fact, the other day a colleague of mine had sent me a link to the worst Ads poll by NDTV. To my surprise this undergarment brand’s Ad was one of them. When quizzed about it, the public reacted or rather acted out in genuine horror and labeled the Ad vulgar. Come on people, this is the land of the Kamasutra. What’s the harm in talking about a little sex? The Ad in question here is ‘Amul Macho’. The tagline says ‘crafted for fantasies’. If you haven’t had a chance to feast your eyes on this latest 30 second thriller, then here’s a gist of what it’s all about. This interesting post has been written by a true fan of the Ad TVC Hots & Nots.

Personally I think this is one of the most interesting ads that I’ve seen till date. Maybe it’s corny, but it does its job. I am sure that if you’ve seen it once, you’ll never forget it or the brand ever. That anyways is besides the point that I am trying to make here. I am not here to talk about what makes effective advertising. I am not here to tell you what works for a brand. I am here to tell you that it’s about time someone raised the standards when it comes to undergarments. Undergarments are just as important as any other piece of cloth on your body. Thus, I believe that a good label on an undergarment is essential. That’s exactly what this Ad does for me. The way I read the message in this ad, undergarments are a major turn on for the opposite sex. Hence it is utterly important that you choose them as carefully as you would choose your jeans.

We’ve come a long way from the days when our forefathers used torn off pieces of cloth to make ‘langotis’. We live in a world were there is no dearth of fashionable and chic undergarment labels. Even so we undertake that once in a year or twice in a year trip to a wholesale market like Tirpur to buy undergarments in bulk. Why? Why do people still think it’s a crime to spend a couple of extra bucks on a good brand of underwear? What’s with this whole mentality?

The ‘Amul Macho’ Ad has finally spoken up and stirred up a storm. Its high time more undergarment brands started doing a bit of bold advertising.

After pondering Manish’s question for some time, I had closely scrutinized several undergarment TVC’s. The segment is still very much in the low involvement purchase category. In actuality it has to be high involvement. I think Ads like ‘Amul Macho’ (of course this ad is not for the metro male), and in the recent past, VIP (where a flimsy pantie flys off to join a VIP Frenchie on the clothes line) and Hanez (Tagless comfort) are good examples of how we can raise the standards in this category.

Taking a poke at people, black humour, sexual humour and hints, even downright nastiness are things that I really think can work for this category. We need to use bolder means to create awareness in this segment. Yesterday was all about being macho, today is all about being sexy and desired. A self aware male or female would always dress sexy outside and inside. So, I say we’ve got to make people self aware about their sexuality. That’s how I think we can make people more conscious and careful about the choice of their under ke brands.

What’s in a name?

Pop Quiz!

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when I say…

Nirma
Vicco
Dettol

I am sure you would have thought detergent, ayurvedic face cream and anti-septic lotion.

That’s what we’ve all associated these brands to, it’s been hammered in our heads for years now. Over the years these brand names and many more like them have become synonymous with the product itself. Need more examples? Think Xerox, Post-its, Scissors etc.

Over the last few years we’ve seen almost every company expanding its product line. For example Pond’s, which we all used to associate with talcum powder, broke into the personal care and cosmetics market with every possible product imaginable. They even have certified beauty salons. Likewise we’ve seen the Will’s ‘made for each other’ cigarette brand extend its product line to fashion.

When companies decide to go into such product line extensions, they have the option of doing it in two different ways. One, keep the same brand name across all their product offerings. Two, create a new brand name for each of its products. The former is called blanket branding or family branding, a single brand or company name which is used to identify a range of products. Both have their advantages and disadvantages.

When different products of the same company have different brand names the risk of one product’s credibility rubbing off on the other is very low or even non-existent. Supposing a new product from a company was to be a failure in the market, it really wouldn’t affect the credibility of another product of the same company. Manufacturers could pull out unsuccessful brands without damaging their other successful brands. But incase of blanket branding or family branding the risk of generalizing product credibility (regardless of product category) is very high.

There are some companies that have pulled of blanket branding across various product categories very successfully. To name a few, kingfisher, Virgin etc.

And there are those that have (in my personal opinion) fallen or are falling flat on their faces. There are two particular brands I’d like to take as bad examples of blanket or family branding.

Parachute as we all know has been the leader in the coconut hair oil segment for donkey’s years. Especially in the south, oiling one’s hair is more auspicious than hygienic. Oil baths are a weekend ritual that almost everyone follows religiously and without question. In the recent past Parachute revamped its image of being a traditional brand to a more chic brand. You might have spotted the Asin Ad for nariyal tel or more recently the Yuvraj Ad for parachute styling creams taking the free running fad route. I must say they look pretty cool and are doing wonders in making Parachute a more fashionable brand. But parachute made an even bolder move. They brought out a string of after shower products like hair gels etc. under the same brand, i.e. Parachute. The Ads look great but the name Parachute just doesn’t sound right for such products. In my personal opinion I would rather pick up a styling gel that’s called Set Wet than Parachute. Gel’s are all about styling and so I think they need to have stylish names. Parachute just won’t do. Period.

The other brand that I want to talk about is Kamasutra…yup, the condom brand name who’s very mention makes most Indians squeamish. Recently I came across these nice black teaser hoardings with pink and red typos. The message on one such hoarding read “She wears Kamasutra while studying.” That really got my grey cells working overtime, and while I was eagerly waiting for the revealer, I came across another hoarding with the same kind of art treatment. This one read “My boss used my Kamasutra.” Imagine my curiosity. A few days later I came across the revealer and was totally blown. The ads were for a range of Deos and perfumes that Kamasutra has launched. I really don’t know what Kamasutra’s game plan is. If their plan is to make Kamasutra a household name, and to spread the message that condoms are not a taboo thing, then I guess it’s a good effort. But personally I can’t see myself telling my mom to add Kamasutra to the monthly grocery list. I think it’s just a bad example of blanket branding.

It’s not just product association, in case of a blanket brand, which is a problem, it also becomes extremely difficult to market. For instance, a couple of years ago I worked on a launch campaign of a vodka brand. The client wanted to give it the same brand name as all his other products (theme park, food grains, transport etc). The client would have nothing else, and we gave up after several unsuccessful attempts to convince him. The whole launch exercise became a Herculean task, taking into consideration the rules and regulations on alcohol advertising in India. A Mischief Vodka or a Smirnoff has so much more possibilities to explore when it came to advertising.

Well, I am no Philip Kotler and all that I might have said here might be absolute nonsense, but this is how I feel about these two brands and their extended family of products. If you’d like to dispute my views on these two brands and straighten out my thinking, you are most welcome as always.

What the F**k am I doing in Advertising?

Thinking back now, I am totally stumped as to why I chose advertising. And to top it all up I chose to be a writer. What was it that made me take such a suicidal decision? Why couldn’t I have just taken up engineering and gone on to be a marine engineer like my brother? Why couldn’t I have chosen to become a physiotherapist like my cousin? Why didn’t I just take up a BPO profession and earn a fat pay like my sister? Or I could have even followed in my dad’s footsteps and become a sales person. Of the millions of career options I had, I had to go and pick advertising. Well, guess what…I screwed up. Now there’s no turning back.

There’s at least one minute in every day that I regret having chosen the field I am in now. It’s been almost six long years, of waiting and hoping that things will get better, almost six long rigorous years of stretching my patience to unimaginable limits. But now I feel I am at the edge. I am hanging on by a finger over a bottomless trench. I am in a situation where I can neither pull myself up nor let go and fall.

My problem with advertising is not the pay or the inhuman amount of work. If left to myself I am just fine with it. My problem is with the whole machine-like work culture it’s heading towards. Agencies are no longer places that people covet to be part of. They are no longer places where gods and goddesses create new brands and ideas that change the face of humanity forever. They are just factories churning out precisely detailed pieces of communication that are written, designed and approved by clients. Over the years clients have become the creators and we simply their tools. The Indian advertising industry has reached maturity and is ready to die.

I find it so difficult to write when I am told…”we need a headline of five words and it has to have the words ‘Price’, ‘offer’ and ‘business’.” What am I supposed to do in a situation like this? How can I claim that I am a creative writer when all I do is fill in the blanks? To tell you the truth, I feel absolutely cheated. My dreams have crumbled before my very eyes. Advertising as an industry has failed to provide me the satisfaction I sought. In recent years, we have seen many veterans from various departments of the advertising world, walk out of the industry forever. Why? Their patience ran out, their thirst for good work could never be quenched. They realized that advertising had become an ever obedient slave to its master - the client.

Is there no way we can recreate the charm that advertising used to have years before? Are we spineless yesmen to the client? Are we just people who spare client’s time and money by saving him the effort of learning Photoshop, Coreldraw and Grammar? What does creative really mean in today’s agency? Oh yes, you might question me about the thousands of wonderful work you see in the archives and magazines like that. Well brother, wake up and smell the coffee, have you ever seen any of those actually in the papers or on TV? Other than a few of them, all are scam work. The real work is mundane, boring and most often so powerfully uninspiring that over certain duration of time it could make a creative person lose the ability to think laterally. You get so tuned, you become a one track mind.

This maybe the only reason why employee retention in the advertising industry is either really low or even non-existent. People jump agencies before you can say 3. People jump with hopes of working on better brands, of working with more open minded clients. But this seldom happens. The grass always seems greener on the other side.

What do we do? How do we boost the morale of the creative lot? How do we bring back the glory days when clients knew that agency people know their work? How do we tell the fat man in the MD’s chair to keep his personal fixation on blondes restricted to his bedroom and not let it loose in his company’s corporate communication?

Many in the industry today feel that advertising is a service. That we provide communication services. Pardon me for thinking otherwise, I for one think we are creators, and that we should be treated with the same respect and reverence that used to be given to artists like Michael Angelo, Piccaso and their likes.

Do you think that day will ever come again when we will draw ‘Ahs’ and ‘oohs’ in a crowd, when we mention our profession? Well, till that day arrives, I am still going to be hanging on with my finger over that bottomless trench, because I don’t know what else to do.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions of the author are solely his own and are not meant to intentionally displease or hurt the personal opinions of any person or organisation.